Food for thought (EP 4): Duties of a Muslim towards his Parents

           Omer ARİF

             The rights and duties of family members is a cardinal topic in Islam and one of the most necessary ingredients of social solidarity in the Muslim community. Consequently, it is possible to deduce from the Qur’an and sunnah some of the obligations Allah placed upon the Muslims as regards their parents.

            Allah has charged the Muslim with goodness and dutifulness towards their parents in Surat’ul Ankabut verse 8, saying “وَوَصَّیۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَ ٰ⁠لِدَیۡهِ حُسۡنࣰاۖ” (We have enjoined on man to be kind to his parents…). It is however worthy of note that there is a limitation to how one can obey his parents as stated in the continuation of the verse: “وَإِن جَـٰهَدَاكَ لِتُشۡرِكَ بِی مَا لَیۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمࣱ فَلَا تُطِعۡهُمَاۤ” (…but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not.). This is in context of the word of the Prophet ﷺin an authentic hadith: “There is no obedience to the creation (if it entails) the disobedience of the Creator.”

           Allah guides us on how to address our parents in Suratu’l Isra saying “فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَاۤ أُفࣲّ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلࣰا كَرِیمࣰا” (…say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.) Thus, it is not proper to raise one’s voice over the parents’ own, in a disrespectful manner. It should be noted that this is equally important when the parents are non-Muslims. A Muslim should not disrespect his parents because of their faith, instead, he should refer to them with respectful terms (dad, mum etc.) and call them to Islam with wisdom. Moreover, he should make dua for them.

           In the same vein, when a Muslim is more knowledgeable than his parents in matters of deen, he should teach and guide them to righteousness in the best manner. When he differs with them on a matter, he should not come so hard on them.

            Undoubtedly, sometimes the actions and inactions of parents may cause troubles or worries for a child. In such situations, one should be patient with them. This is because they are tests for you just as you are a test for them too.

            When the parents get old, their children must take care of them and see to their needs in kind and cash. Thus, a Muslim should endeavour to carry this out. He should serve them and always ask to know their needs. Besides, he should visit them frequently and buy gifts for them. For the Prophet, ﷺsaid: “Give each other gifts and you will love one another”. If they live far away, he should always put in a call to them.

            It is indeed virtuous for a Muslim to seek the opinions of his parents on important issues. He should listen carefully to their advice and gain from their wisdom. Moreover, it would be of great courtesy to take permission from/inform them when one embarks on an important task like a job or travel.

            Conclusively, when the parents of a Muslim return to their Lord, he should seek the forgiveness and mercy of Allah for them. It is recommended that he makes sadaqah (charity) on their behalf and should pay their debts and administer their wills. It is also important that he keeps good ties with their friends and loved ones.